Sunflowers in the Rain

Something you might not know about me (because I rarely share this side of me) is that I sometimes process my feelings by singing to myself and making up songs. You know when you find that song that you can just scream to and let your emotions leave with every lyric? Well, sometimes when I can't find the song that will heal that heartache, I make it up.

Let's be clear. Sometimes they are goofy, I never sound like Adele, and often I forget the words right after I sing them... but the process helps. I've been feeling a HEAVY weight lately, watching my papa grow weaker and not being able to do more. It hurts. If you have had to go through this, I am sorry.

I sang myself a song to remind me that it is okay to feel sadness, and being not okay is a part of the process. The song also is a thank you to my wonderful partner, Bryce Dean, for being there for me more than he knows he is. Grief can be ugly... but having someone to help you process grief is beautiful.

Thank you for reading my song. <3 Sierra Winter

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Hold me close but please, not so tight,

All I know is I don't feel alright.

Hold my hand but keep me at arms length.

I need you near so I can feel your strength.

See my heart but please don't ask to hold it.

Keep it close but don't act like you own it.

As delicate as flowers in the rain.

Flooding my whole soul with endless pain.

I am not okay.

Wake up with me and watch the morning sunrise.

Wipe the teardrops falling from my sunflower eyes.

Remind me of the beauty in the day.

Be with me when I am not okay.

I am not okay.

Forgive me when my sadness turns to anger. Flight or fight when I suspect danger. I put up walls and lock myself inside. Grab your key and please don't let me hide.

Hold me close but please don't squeeze so tight. I need your soul close to mine tonight.

I'm laying under one hundred thousand pounds.

Fear is heavy and I can't put mine down.

You know the pain my heart anticipates. Always say I love you before it is too late. Be present in the moment, please just stay. You make life easy but today is a hard day. I am not okay.

Walk with me along the creek side.

I like seeing your footsteps next to mine.

Stop me for a moment, a pull me in.

Remind me that there is still love to give.

Watching my own father slip away.

Painful nights make sunny days seem grey.

I wish I could give him some of mine,

The only gift that matters, a little more time.

Keep me close and know that I am strong.

The aching in my heart feels so wrong.

I try so hard to be his safe space.

But sometimes I need someone to take my place. I am not okay.

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